[08 Jan 2005|02:11am] [ mood | drunk ] happy happy happy, me muchos drunk! im pissed and i cant wait to see you next week ellie!! much loive to you all!!! <333 Helenxxxxxxxxxxxxxx idiotsrule?

[10 Jul 2004|11:54pm] [ mood | sick ] ( swiped from little miss Jenn ) rule?

BORED! [27 Jun 2004|10:29pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Fliss on MSN ] BORED BORED BORED BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!! so very very bored!!! got an exam tomorow morning and i dont kow anything for it so instead of doing some last minuted cramming im here writting pointless updates!! hope you all had a good weekend? think of me tomorow! <3 idiotsrule?

NIIIICE!!! [17 Jun 2004|07:27pm] [ mood | tired ] Pinched from Le Jenn! ( spawn of satan! BEWARE!!! ) rule?

[14 Jun 2004|11:14am] [ mood | busy ] ( how to make me ) rule?

[10 Jun 2004|07:49pm] Pinched from Le Jenn! ;D What Finding Nemo Character are You? brought to you by Quizilla rule?

[23 May 2004|01:15pm] dunno why that last entry posted like it did? *shrugs* rule?

[18 May 2004|11:35pm] [ mood | pissed off ] i think ive lost the beautiful ring that my daddy got me from Egypt!!! im so fucking angry at myself it really was lovely!!!! :( rule?

[27 Mar 2004|12:39pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Aaliyah-Don't Know What To Tell Ya ] i cant be arsed doing all the tings that i have to do this weekend: >do my english language coursework >do my english lietature coursework >finish my media advanced production essay >do my AS log book >finish doing all my washing an tidy my room >do more filming for my mini thriller(hopefully the last time fingers crossed) so cant be bothered with it all!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway im cooking lunch for my friend craig today and were going to talk about our skiing trip some more and try and work out how im gonna get my £1000 deposit sometime soon, im think im going to have to get it off my parents but the only thing is is that my mum doesnt really want me to go but when i first told her about the ida she said that she woulod pay for half the trip as long as i would pay the other half which i am completely up for. me and fliss are both going away next year shes going to aussie land and im going to the US of A so we both need quite a lot of money so weve decided to do MEDEVAL has anyone heard of it or done it? anyway thats it kids thats my weekend hope yours are gonna be a bit more interesting? oh yeah just remembered my little sister came upto to me lats night and asked me if i would model for her art! *touched* no ones ever asked me to model for their art before and id have thought that id be the last one mary would have asked me to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33 idiotsrule?

Sore Nipples :( [25 Mar 2004|02:30pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | many people talking around me in the college computer room! ] i know you girls with sympathise with me over this one... its just that its that time of the month AGAIN and ive got really really painful and tender nipples and its really pissing me off because even if i get nidged slightly in the hall at college i wanna cry out for the sheer amount of pain that i am in, im sure the situation is just hightened my the faxct that ive got my nipple pierced! dammit!!!!!!! idiotsrule?

[23 Mar 2004|07:24pm] [ mood | miffed ] right the weidest thing just happened when i was making dinner for me and me dad, my mobile rang and it was i number i didnt recognise, so i pick it up and there was this guy on the phone whos voice i reconginised but i didnt catch his name all i got was that he goes to parswood and went to the ritz last night. i dont have a fucking clue who it is how frustrating! i was thinking that it might be tom k but then i was thinking why the hell would he call me? oh well hopefully theyll ring me back later and ill be able to work out who it is, if not i may never know! *shurgs* rule?

[20 Mar 2004|01:13am] Sum up your opinion or impression of me in one word, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal! idiotsrule?

[15 Mar 2004|02:48pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | josie& co-you don't see me ] what a good/crap weekend ive had its been weird. had a top night on saturday night at marys birthday got really fucked which was good to a certain extent but i really think that fliss has fallen out with me really badly and i dont want her to have because i need her so so much its unreal, and shes the last person in the world that i would want to hurtb Ever! hopefully ill be able to talk to her properly this afternoon when she comes over o mine to film. just feel dead on edge like the feeling that any minute soon my grip on reality is going to be pulled right from under my feet and im going to be left all on my own with no one there to help me pick the pieces up and then where will that leave me? idiotsrule?

[29 Feb 2004|10:27pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Goo Goo Dolls-Name ] SURVEY PINCHED FROM LAURA AS IVE NEVER DONE ONE AND IM SO VERY BORED! Layer One: -- Name: Helen -- Birthdate: 04/07/1986 -- Birthplace: Scotland -- Current Location: Manchester Layer Two: -- Your heritage: half dutch and half irish -- The shoes you wore today: dc’s(so very comfy) -- Your weakness: people who hurt me -- Your fears: getting hurt(how ironic) and hurting others -- Your perfect pizza: Soho Pizza@Pizza Express -- Goal you'd like to achieve: right now to be back on good terms with Craig, in the long run I really don’t know Layer Three: -- Your most overused phrase on MSN: coolies -- Your thoughts first waking up: shit im hungover I need something to drink!>:( -- Your bedtime: Early morning Layer Four: -- Pepsi or Coke: don’t really like either -- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds -- Single or group dates: prolly single -- Adidas or Nike: Nike -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Layer Five: -- smoke: YES! -- Cuss: too much -- Sing: yes(and ive been told im quite good too:)) -- Take a shower everyday: Yes or a bath -- Have a crush(es): Yup -- Do you think you've been in love: Yes -- Want to go to college: still there cant wait to leave -- Like high school: some of the time -- Want to get married: Yeah -- Believe in yourself: nopies -- Get motion sickness: never -- Think you're attractive: …ish -- Think you're a health freak: not at all! -- Get along with your parents: on the odd occasion but most of the time no Layer Six: In the past month... -- Drank alcohol: yes -- Smoked: yes -- Done a drug: yes -- Had Sex: Yes -- Made Out: Yes -- Gone on a date: Yes -- Gone to the mall?: Yes Layer Seven: Ever.. -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes -- Been called a tease: Yes -- Gotten beaten up: No -- Shoplifted: yes but it was by accident -- Changed who you were to fit in: think so(hasn’t pretty much everyone?) Layer Eight: -- How do you want to die: don’t care as long as people love me and remember me -- What do you want to be when you grow up: no quite sure yet Layer Nine: In a guy/girl.. -- Best first kiss location: in the park, it was perfect Layer Ten: -- Number of drugs taken illegally: yes -- Number of piercings: 12 and one being done on Thursday…I hope -- Number of tattoos: one on the base of my back ‘love hurts’ in chinese -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: never I think? -- Number of scars on my body: enough -- Number of things in my past that I regret: too many to count and most I cant talk about! i do apologise that this isnt under a cut but i dont seem to be able to work them out! rule?

[19 Feb 2004|06:11pm] Masochist The ULTIMATE personality test brought to you by Quizilla hmmmmmmmmmm? idiotsrule?

[10 Feb 2004|11:57pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Incubus-Drive ] i can completely empathise with Fliss on the whole media essay thing coz ive been sat in front of my computer for about two hours and still ive only written only about two hundred words and ive gotta get it in tomorow or i get a letter home, and that is the last thing i need right now not on top of all the hassle i get from my mum and dad as it is, so it looks like its gonna be a late night for me tonight, but ive set myself a goal from now that im going to bed at two whether its done or not! thats all for now back to the grind stone for me hope your all well kids! lots of love mwah <3333 idiotsrule?

[10 Nov 2003|08:16pm] [ mood | so very very in love ] [ music | sophie b hawkinks-as i lay me down to sleep ] it's on the edge of a petal, that love wilts! I never want this feeling of love to fade ive finally accepted it and i never want to let it go! rule?

[05 Nov 2003|09:12pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Delta Goodrem-Not Me Not I ] today marks the second month that me and craig have been back together and this make me a very happy girly indeed because its nearly the same amount of time that we went out for last time so it seems to me that if we make it past that amount of time (which wasnt very long in the first place) it really was worth waiting three months for it to be all better. 'kiss my wounds and youll never know what happiness and destruction you will find inside' rule?

[05 Nov 2003|06:49pm] [ mood | busy ] i will very soon get myself an icon and do my info page i will try my best to find a half decent picture of myself to use so you can see what i look like but only joby and paula are the only onees who ive never met but its very hard to find a picture as i do not photograph well at all! >:( (your not missing much anyway) in the meantime if any of you would like to make me an icon i would be moct greatful i keep meaning to install photoshop but again i havent got round it yet, there really arent enough usable hours in the day! *sighs* rule?

[02 Nov 2003|09:12pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Dido-Life For Rent ] ATTENTION!!!!!!!!! Everyone all look at my page coz ive changes the colours and what not and i want comments fromALL of you to give me ideas to how i can make it better ok? idiotsrule?

[02 Nov 2003|01:12pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Natalie Imbruglia-Smoke ] i just locked myself out of the house and i had to call my mum and dad and get them to come home from their walk to come and let me in. from now on im going to carry my house keys in my pocket whenever i go outside even if i put the latch on coz you never know. im really sorry Jenn and Ellie for not making it on friday but there was no way i was upto doing anything. i wouldnt have been any fun anyway. and again craig is upset with me coz last night when i was drunk at rosalinds, i text him and told him the truth that i didnt believe him when he tell me that he loves me. i dont know why im so incapable of believing that people love me i guess i just feel unworthy of their love i dont feel like i deserve the love he gives me. i have no problem in loving others or telling them that i do its just when people compliment me or show any deep form of caring i just clam up i have absolutely no idea how to accept that im worth anything. and then when i go and do what id did last night i just feel like im trying to push him as far away as possible coz its easier not to accept than to, because if i do accept it it just leaves me open to getting hurt and im just hinding behing it as a defense mechanism i guess and im hurting craig in the process which i hate myself even more for. idiotsrule?

[29 Oct 2003|06:52pm] woo woo only about 45minutes till craig gets here i cant wait to see him he always makes me happy no matter how miserable i am! we are going to see 'Finding Nemo'! *loves* idiotsrule?

[22 Oct 2003|06:54pm] ELLIE are you going to rock world on thursday? please come and look ultra sexy just to make me jealous!:) <3 rule?

[12 Oct 2003|04:12pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Josie and the pussy cats-You don't see me ] yesterday my dad bought a mouse trap for the mouse that had been living in our celler for the last couple of months, i couldnt believe that he was actally going to try and trap this mouse in the most butal way possible, so anyway he put this mouse trap down in the celler with a little bit of banana on it and when he went down half and hour later to check on it the piece of banana was still there but the trap had gone and he found the mouse still alive with its little foot trapped in it poor little thing, it must have crushed its bones to pieces.:( not done much today except a little bit of work and washed and blow dryed my hair. im going over to craigs in an hour so ive gotta tidy my room and get dressed before that, i told my mum yesterday that i wanted to stay over at his house and at first she was all like no and i think your being inappropriate asking but then when i explained everything to her she was ok with it which is good coz this means that i dont have to lie to her anymore about where im going to stay, so yey! idiotsrule?

[11 Oct 2003|08:45pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Goo Goo Dolls-Name ] im feeling so fat at the moment but i shouldnt really complain since ive eaten today: 1. six packets of pickled onion munster munch 2. a bowl of porridge(the best food in the whole wide world!) 3. five ribena ice lollies 4. one big pizza and i really feel like another bowl of porriage now i might have one it a bit or some sort of cereal maybe? this is not good if i am to loose half a stone which is my main objective at the moment! i wish i had the words to explain so many things to craig but i cant i dont know whether its embarressment fear or just the feeling of feeling and being exposed when i tell him my biggest secrets or dreams or experiences because i think he would understand me so much better if he knew these things about me but i just cant find the words. its the same when i want tot tell him how much i love and i know that hell never know this because ill never find the right words to tell him. i think that in life in general at the moment that im finding it hard to say what i feel i find it much easier to write it all down. i do know that all my journal entries are filled with things about craig and are prolly extreamly boring to read but he is the phase that im going through in my life therefore he is on my mind all or most of the time, i feel i maybe growing slightly obsessed with him, this worries me also?! me and ladyrosalind are getting on really well at the moment and im so glad of this because the last few months have not been the most comfortable for us and i now know and realise that that wasnt all down to her as i origionally thought me being stubborn and all but i feel that weve both let go of something that was making things difficult between us and everythings seems to be that little bit easier. idiotsrule?

[08 Oct 2003|10:52pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Aerosmith - I don't wanna miss a thing ] this is my favourite poem ever... PURITY i remember your smile as you look down on me, i remember the sights you told me id see, i remember your kiss, the affection so real, i remember the love that i used to feel. your presance made me feel safe, so happy inside, a respect for you that cannot be denied. we were always so close, i had nothing to fear, there was a time i thought youd always be here, i could face the future, with you at my side, i could openly live, with nothing to hide. so long ago, it seems like yesterday, with you in my dreams, the memories stay. the day that you left, tears fell from my eye, i didnt have a chance to tell you goodbye. yet i still feel you, i know that you see the life i am living, with you guiding me. you gave me a strength, built up from the heart, although you are gone were not apart. i remember your smile as you look down on me, i remember the sights you told me id see. your guidance is part of my destiny. i thank you for your love it created me. quite morbid i know but im just in one of those sort of moods, i know why but i cant help it. i think its a beautiful but then again its only one persons opinion. *shrugs* rule?

[04 Oct 2003|09:22pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Incubus - Pardon me ] 'pardon me while i burst into flames, i've had enough of the world and it's peoples mindless games, so pardon me while i burn and rise above the flame.' i really dont know what to do anymore? i cant ever do anything right when it comes to craig everything i say i do gets him into a mood with me and when he does something that upsets me and when i tell him he gets all stressed out and wont talk to me properly and then makes me fell like ive done something wrong when i know deep down that i havent but i dont wanna make too much of a big deal out of it in case he breaks up with me again. i really dont know what to do? and recently ive been having these really horrible dreams that people i love are all dying and i wake up crying i dont even know how they die all i know is that they do and its horrible and the worst part is that i cant do anything to stop it coz you cant control your dreams can you? rule?

Hehehehehehe........ [15 Sep 2003|08:30pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | Aaliyah-Miss You ] i forgot, me and craig were lying on the grass at college at lunch today and generally being one of those sickening couples that everyone hate including myself and i was so very horny but i guess ill have to wait until wednesday afternoon. Rosalind is cutting my hair tomorow eeeeek im not gonna let her take much of though coz im quite like having longer hair now that ive noticed it! rule?

[15 Sep 2003|07:59pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Bush-Glycerine(my favourite song in the whole wide world!) ] had a mish mash day but good all the same i guess. i washed and blow dryed me hair and im still in shock as to how much its grown coz i wear it up all the time it way past my shoulders now. craig is being really sweet at the moment and instead of getting suspicious im just going to bask in the affections of my ultra attentive boyfriend, first off he told me yesterday that he was taking me out on friday for a surprise and then then he text me later on after wed left town the he had a present for me and wen i got into college at break he gave me a cd that he had made for me with two picture of his puppy on the cover, he knows how much i love his puppy, it was really sweet of him to do that because i always thought that i was the one who makes him little presents and stuff, i just made me love him more. then i had to go to the brook today to get a new pill coz my old one didnt agree with me and i was wondering about having the injection but they strongly advised me against that because of my history of mild depression so ive just changed pills and lets hope these ones dont send me though times when i erratic depression i dont know maybe? but i didnt tell craig when he asked me why i was going into town and when i did tell him he was gutted coz i didnt he said he felt like a dick for not going with me and i didnt see it like that at all. ah well hes a little cutie pie and im waiting for him to text me to tell me hes back from the pub so that i can phone him, but no for too long coz Dawsons Creek is on tonight and i certainly dont wanna miss that! idiotsrule?

Thinking oh Tez, Oh No! [11 Sep 2003|10:29pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Finch-Letters To You ] i find myself thinking of Tez at the moment i know this is not a good thing but every now and again i think of him and what hes upto because even though he treated me like shit but he kinda made up for that last time i saw him properly but i still care about him. nothing really eventful happened today but i did get to see marys new kitten yey! shes so sweet OMG! shes really really little and all black except from little white paws and a few patches of white on her front i want a kitten or a puppy just when theyre babies though coz thyre not as fun when they grow up, i think im a bit broody at the moment and its gotta stop coz craig hates it when im broody and complains a lot to me about it and tells me to shut up!lol! rule?

Mary singing/shouting at the computer next to be [10 Sep 2003|10:46am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Mary singing/shouting at the computer next to be ] sitting in media cant get onto the fucking website i want tis poo poo! get to see craig at break yey! he couldnt phone me last night because he was busy setting his new room in his new house up which just hightened my bad moon as you can imagine it didnt take much for me to get into a worse mood that i already was, lol! rule?

Helen's in a bad mood! [09 Sep 2003|08:21pm] [ mood | tearfull ] [ music | DMX-Where Da Hood At ] i just had a huge srop at dinner and stormed out crying im putting this down to over tiredness and PMT! rule?

[09 Sep 2003|07:38pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | Goo Goo Dolls-Here Is Gone ] last night i really couldnt sleep you know that feeling when your really tired but theres no way you can get to sleep and the more worked up you get about being tired and wanting to sleep the less you can get to sleep. i was feeling really low because the more and more i think about it even though things are great between us i know craig doesnt care for me half as much as i do for him and its really depressing to know that someone you love doesnt love you in returen. this doesnt mean i want to break up with him but its just slightly heartbreaking thats all. but when i went back to bed after watching tv for a bit and messing about on the computer nala my cat came and lay right across my throat and even though its really uncomfortable when she does that i found the suffocating closeness comforting in some way that something will love unconditionally without it know thats its doing it. im being really paranoind at the moment as i do go through these phases when my paranoia is worse at some times than others, but at the moment and i just feel like everyones trying to make a fool out of me all the time and waiting for me to do something stupid or silly so that they can take the piss out of me even my boyfriend and my friend its like theyre all waiting for me to fall or fuck up in some major way just so they can have a laugh about it. and ive got loads of college work too and its only the second day of term. idiotsrule?

[08 Sep 2003|10:47pm] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | Smash Mouth-Stoned ] I asked craig yesterday if Michelle (the girl who he shagged two weeks after we broke up the first time) was any good in bed and he said do you think anyone withe body of a twelve year old would be good in bed and i can see his point but it made me feel better about the whole thing. he may have just being saying it to make me feel better but it did so thats ok. rule?

I'm feeling a bit better now [08 Sep 2003|10:43pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Eva Cassidy-Fields of Gold ] i saw a rainbow earlier just after i wrote that really miserable entry and it made me feel happier inside! idiotsrule?

[08 Sep 2003|07:36pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | disturbed-down with the sickness ] first day of college today :( its wasnt too bad it was good to spend even more time with craig and see everyones reaction to us being back together, i wrote craig a really long letter telling him about everything even about me and tom and about how i was still crazy about him even after being appart for three monthsand i even admitted to him that eve thought id been through hell when we broke up i think it was good that we had a break. but all he could comment on was me and tom sleeping together and non of the important stuff and that hurt me because when i asked him why he didnt sat anything about the other stuff he just said that it was a lot to take on so soon and he wasnt ready or sure about how he felt which is unfair coz id told him everything and its like he can sleep with me but not share his feelings. answers on a postcard please. at college im doing media AS and A2 i dont think i want to do AS and A2 in one yeah for two reasons really, one is that its gonna be a lot of work to copw with and i cant be bothered and secondly roz and mary are in my A2 class and they dont want me do their practical with them and now theyve moved classes so that they can be with fliss and im now in a class on my own with no one i know and im on my own doing my practical on my own which had left me feeling really unlove and unwanted by my friends and to add insult to injury ive got PMT which has made me feel even more miserable. idiotsrule?

I'M Happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [05 Sep 2003|10:44pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Mya-My First Night With You(i'm a hopeless romantic i know) ] weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll i went to rock with ellie roz and kaye and beforehand me roz and ellie went to overdraft and craig text me telling me that he wanted to talk to me and would i meet him tonight and of course my pride wouldnt get in the way of my curiosity so i went. it took a lot of encouragement but to cut a long story short he thought that the summer break had been good for us both even though it was hell for me he wanted to give it another go and he realised that it had been a mistake breaking up with me was a HUGE mistake soooooooooo we are back together and i can tell you how much ive wanted for so long when he told me i couldnt acctually say anything all i wanted to do was kiss him, so i did! i saw tom k in rw too which was a bit of a stress at first coz of him and craig being in the same place but i was fine in the end(btw tom k was a guy that i kinda know and slept with at leeds still not sure if it was a good idea or not but it doesnt matter coz im with the person who i love and the best part is that he feels the same woo hoo!) idiotsrule?

[16 Aug 2003|12:10pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Evanescence - My Immortal ] got my results yesterday and its safe to say that theyre really really bad! i got a C in english language which should have been at least a B or an A, an E in english Lterature and a U in psychology which was no real surprise. anyway i also saw craig at college which i was kinda expecting but the reality of actually seeing him was enough to turn me into a wreck but lets hope he didnt notice?! i dont know why i cant get over him just last night i has another dream about us getting back together and everything being perfect a bit like a recurring dream or something but it always takes a different format maybe these dreams are trying to tell me something that maybe things arent perfect? *shrugs* rule?

[27 Jul 2003|10:19pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | bush - glycerine ] oh no, the parental unit return tonight so this means nagging and generally telling me that whatever i do isnt good enough so... and along with them returns the annoyance that is my little sister who in short thinks that she is the coolest thing that you will ever have the misfortune to meet. anyway enough of the complaining today has been alright in general except for the dizzy spells that i kept on having but ill put that down to too much sleep. and ive had to spend all day doing the washing and cleaning the house so i dont get screamed at on return. ahhhh lifes tough poor little me:( rule?

slightly confused, but getting there eventually [26 Jul 2003|10:03pm] [ mood | lost ] [ music | Sophie B, Hawkins-as i lay me down to sleep ] this is my first entry into my live journal. yey! the beautiful ellie set this up for me mainly because i dont really 'do' computers but i get by. im still missing craig so much but since ive kinda axcepted that were not getting back together then then i think ill have to start the recouperation process, its kinda hard not to accept that its over especially since he slept with this girl called michelle who happends to be in my media class at college two weeks after we broke up so i guess he got over me pretty quick? i cant have been that important to him in the first place especially since he was still in love with keziah whilst going out with me but hey what can i do i was obviously not good enough for him? idiotsrule?

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